Monday, May 08, 2006

Ah Gut Nothin'



Not much to report out on today so I'll just toss out a question that I've had for awhile:

WHY do people put big, gigantic, red decals on their trucks and cars that say "Red Neck?" Why?

I mean, isn't it a negative thing to be a redneck? Don't people understand that most of the population thinks BAD things about people who are "rednecks?" And that the Dukes of Hazzard was meant for VIEWING enjoyment, not for historically correct re-enactment??? It's one thing to be a redneck and not know it - for those folks, I sometimes feel sorry - but why in the world would you proclaim proudly on your vehicle that this is what you embrace? Is it like my rainbow sticker? "Redneck Pride" - reclaiming the redneck label? I just don't understand... Jeff Foxworthy is credited with this list...but I'm sure it's evolved beyond him. I deleted out some of the more offensive ones.... but if you want to read all 664 reasons YOU might be a redneck, you can click here.

You May Be A Redneck If ...
- More than one living relative is named after a southern civil war general.
- Your home has more miles on it than your car.
- You think that potted meat on a saltine is an hors d'ouerve.
- You consider a six-pack and a bug-zapper high-quality entertainment.
- Fewer than half of your cars run.
- You honestly think that women are turned on by animal noises and seductive tongue gestures.
- Your family tree doesn't fork.
- Your hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan.
- You've ever barbecued Spam on the grill.
- Your brother-in-law is your uncle.
- Your only condiment on the dining room table is the economy size bottle of ketchup.
- The rear tires on your car are at least twice as wide as the front ones.
- You prominently display a gift you bought at Graceland.
- You use the term "over yonder" more than once a month.
- The diploma hanging in your den contains the words "Trucking Institute".
- Your mother keeps a spit cup on the ironing board.
- You've ever worn a tube top to a wedding.
- The most commonly heard phrase at your family reunion is "What the hell are you looking at, Shithead?"
- The first words out of your mouth every time you see friends are "Howdy!" "HEY!" or "How Y'all Doin?"
- You have more than two brothers named Bubba or Junior.
- You think a Volvo is part of a woman's anatomy.
- You think that the Styrofoam cooler is the greatest invention of all time.
- You've been too drunk to fish.
- You've ever used a weedeater indoors.
- You have to go outside to get something out of the 'fridge.
- You've ever financed a tattoo.
- Your idea of a 7 course meal is a bucket of KFC and a six-pack.
- Someone asks to see your ID and you show them your belt buckle.
- The directions to your house include "turn off the paved road".
- You owe the taxidermist more than your annual income.
- You have lost at least one tooth opening a beer bottle.
- You have a Hefty bag on the passenger side window of your car.
- You have a very special baseball cap, just for formal occasions.
- Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.
- You consider your license plate personalized because your dad made it in prison.
- You have been fired from a construction job because of your appearance.
- You need an estimate from your barber before you get a haircut.
- You have flowers planted in a bathroom appliance in your front yard.
- Someone in your family says "Cum'n heer an' lookit this afore I flush it."
- You mow your lawn and find a car.
- You are still holding on to Confederate money because you think the South will rise again.
- You consider a three piece suit to be: a pair of overalls, a plaid flannel shirt and thermal underwear.
- There is a sheet hanging in your closet and a gun rack hanging in your truck.
- You think the Mountain Men in deliverance were just "Misunderstood".
- You consider a good tan to be the back of your neck and the left arm below the shirt sleeve...
- Your biggest ambition in live is to "git thet big'ole coon. The one what hangs 'round over yonder, back'ah bubba's barn..."
- you have 5 cars that are immobile and house that drives!
- You gene pool doesn't have a "deep end"
- Your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds.
- You think that safe sex is a padded headboard on the waterbed.
- You think that John Deere Green, Ford Blue, and Primer Gray are the three of the primary colors.
- Yer mom calls ya over t'help, cause she has a flat tire...on her house
- You fish in your above-ground pool
- When a sign that says "Say No To Crack!" reminds you to pull up your jeans.
- "Buck Naked Line Dancing" isn't a videotape, it's "Ladies Night" at the local bar.
- You're moved to tears every time you hear Dolly Parton singing "I Will Always Love You".
- You have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education.
- Your mom gives you tips on how to sneak booze into sporting events.
- Exxon and Conoco have offered you royalties for your hair.
- The blue book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas it has in it.
- On your first date you had to ask your Dad to borrow the keys to the tractor.
- Taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen.

That's all Ah gut taday...

....but there's a new song of the week over here--------->

7 Comments:

Blogger Joe said...

Where did you get that photo? (Shudder...)

12:09 PM GMT-5

 
Blogger nancytoby said...

I guess everybody has to have an identity....

I don't understand the Peeing Boy stickers. Gross.

1:06 PM GMT-5

 
Blogger Flatman said...

Hold muh beer....

1:15 PM GMT-5

 
Blogger Barb said...

Very funny... and oh SO true! Please don't hold it against me that I own a tractor! It t'aint a John Deere, so I'm a thinkin' it don't count! :-)

1:23 PM GMT-5

 
Blogger Chris said...

I saw someone at the last 10k I went to with a "Redneck Dad" t-shirt. I guess these are the same people that choose to get a big confederate flag installed on the rear view windows of their Ford trucks.

It's a little disturbing. It makes me start wondering if they have a white robe and cap tucked away in their closet someplace...

10:05 AM GMT-5

 
Blogger tarheeltri said...

I grew up in PA, yet my dad's friend, also from PA, was such a red neck he flew a confederate flag at his house...

Reason #665. You might be a redneck if you were born and raised in the north, but still fly a confederate flag at your house.

3:20 PM GMT-5

 
Blogger Wylee said...

I could actually hear Jeff Foxworthy's voice while reading all those "might be a rednecks." Does that make me a redneck?
I have another one, you might be a redneck if you are missing over half your front teeth or have two rows of bottom teeth. (I'm serious about the two rows of bottom teeth, ever been to Tennesee?)

8:58 PM GMT-5

 

Post a Comment

<< Home