Monday, December 18, 2006

Never Fear

Well, my dad was sure I was going to off myself after the last post but alas, I am still here and would never consider such an action...i mean really...there's chocolate and summer and those two things alone are enough to keep me around. Definitely not going anywhere (except maybe insane...wanna come along?) ;) Sorry if I'm concerning or depressing you...I learned tonight that at least two of my family members have tuned out because they can't stand to watch the trainwreck...but you know, this blog is for me so if they choose to click the little black x, that's ok. I feel sure that someone somewhere is relating to my world...and if not, well it can be just for me. It's always good to look back and see how far you've come when you're finally out of the hole. And the fact that I repeat the jump into the hole over and over...well...that just makes me unique, right? Right?

So quick update and then I'm heading to bed:

1.) Saying goodbye to Ganna was a sendoff to beat all sendoffs. We celebrated, cried and laughed and remembered all the good things about a magnificent life. The meltdown I anticipated never materialized...I'm not convinced that I'm outta the woods yet but the sendoff was a success...she is in a much happier place now and there has been closure. For that I am very thankful...and I'm especially thankful for such a huge, loving and closeknit family.

2.) Fell off the wagon bigtime. So the 15 days stays and the 16th begins this minute. I blame it on a funeral and reception...and a swim meet with a lousy concession stand and an inability to find time to get to the store prior to the meet. Whatever. Back on track as of right now...

3.) I wasn't the only one that wanted a do-over...I was right to trust that we care about each other so much that giving up is not an option.

3.) We came in 6th overall at the swim meet!! I couldn't update because they lied about wireless access. The only teams to beat us were teams with upwards of 25 swimmers compared to our 16. We had quality points - lots of first, second, and third age group placings...we swam like fishies!! It was especially inspiring to watch the two 76 year olds on our team swim so many events with such skill, style and class.

My own swim performance was not what I had hoped...it's so easy to think you can gain a few seconds over a year of practice. I chalked it up to being tired and having just said goodbye to Ganna. I was last in my age group in every event I swam in...but my times were mostly what I predicted with the 800 free, 100 free and 50 Breast coming in under what I predicted. Thinking back, I realized that my preparation for this meet last year was considerably more focused...I had Weasel Boy dragging me to a third swim session for an extra month...and I was focused only on the meet and not a million other things in my life. It's all good. I showed up. I swam. I still got a good amount of points for our team. I contributed. That can be what matters this time. Here's the rundown of my times (parentheses show what i predicted)...

Remember, this was short course METERS...25 meter pool...
800 free - 14:29.21 (15:00)
100 IM - 1:47.91 (1:44)
200 breast - 4:06.15 (3:59) This event HURTS...
50 free - 0:40.9 (0:40)
100 free - 1:29.37 (1:30)
100 breast - 1:55.14 (1:53)
50 breast - 0:54.31 (0:56)

I also contributed to a second place finish in the women's 400M Free relay, a 4th place finish in the 200M Free relay and a first place finish in the 400M Medley Relay (believe it or not, I swam the backstroke leg...it was U-G-L-Y...and the catch is that we were the only ones in our age group for this relay so we just had to swim it and not do anything to get ourselves DQed...which we managed to avoid. Hey, 34 points is 34 points!)

My goal for the spring meet is to make every attempt to not be the weak link...I expect my half iron training along with my wagon ride will go a long way toward making that happen.

Two more days until the winter solstice...and it's all light from there... thank the goddess...

And thanks to everyone that has sent good words and thoughts my way...it makes my world so much brighter...

9 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I love it that you write so honestly what you're feeling and thinking. Life can be hard, and to say otherwise is a big lie. Don't worry about the swim meet: it is hard to pull a big sports performance right after a funeral, especially so many events and some big ones--mind-body connections and all that.

And here's to the return of the light!

10:28 AM GMT-5

 
Blogger E-Speed said...

My dad called worried about me after one of my recent posts too. It's nice to know someones concerned about us!

So happy about the extra light coming our way!

3:37 PM GMT-5

 
Blogger Jessi said...

Hi Spence. Great post. Who cares whether some people don't want to read your blog? I look forward to all your posts and I love your honesty.

I'm up in Seattle so I feel your pain with the darkness. The sun rises at about 8 a.m. and sets at 4:15ish. So awful. Can't wait for Dec 21!

5:13 PM GMT-5

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I second Jessi; Truth = the hottest thing going.

Good job at the meet; your predictions are sooo close. You're making me wish I'd swum in HS - I don't even know how to do the breast stroke correctly so it would really hurt if I attempted a 200.

6:06 PM GMT-5

 
Blogger Bolder said...

i wasn't worried.

but, i'm glad that's your Dad's job regardless...

8:32 PM GMT-5

 
Blogger Barb said...

You're right, this blog is for you. Don't change your words for someone else.

As the Beatles sang, "Here comes the sun" and "It's getting better all the time". Is it spring yet?

Rally glad to hear about do-overs. How would we ever get by without do-overs?

12:37 PM GMT-5

 
Blogger MartyTheFool said...

Hey Spence! WELCOME the birth of the SUN!

Hang in there, Holidaze always mean Chocolate...(and if they dont we always have easter bunny ears to eat soon anyway).

Keep kickin, you only really lose when you give up.

the fool

9:00 AM GMT-5

 
Blogger Scott said...

Keep writing Spence - the truth shall set you free...

That you even swam at the meet at all says a whole bunch about bravery and guts in the face of depression and grief...

Best wishes for a HAPPY New Year!

5:55 AM GMT-5

 
Blogger Susan said...

(For the post above) YOU are the only person that can make you happy. Be who you are and be proud . . . and your world will be brighter.

6:41 AM GMT-5

 

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