Wednesday, December 13, 2006

This Too Shall Pass (please please please let it pass...)

Today I'm really sad. I started out ok but things went downhill from there and here I am. Rock bottom sad.

Two weeks ago my mom's mom, my Ganna, succumbed to Alzheimer's Disease. The funeral is tomorrow and I'm still in ambivalent mode. I guess I'm bracing myself for the onset of the realization that she's gone...but honestly, the death of even a housefly would trigger full on hysteria. Cannot.Stop.Crying.

And I'm hurting someone that I love so much. I don't know what to say to her, I don't know how to make her trust me. Whatever I do say just seems to make it worse. I won't give up. But honestly, I have no idea where to go from here. I wish we could start over but what's been said is already out there, has already done the damage. I just hope our love is strong enough to endure it.

There is some good news. I've been on the wagon now for 15 days with only one major day of disaster eating. Down about 5 lbs. My clothes fit better. AND I've worked out every day in the past week. Progress is motivating.

Swim meet this weekend at Boston University's new pool. We've rallied 16 swimmers from the UV Rays Masters team to represent...the most so far of the 3 meets we've competed in. We're all swimming the 800 freestyle on Friday night to start Saturday off with a substantial point total...and the goal is to break into the top ten. Who knows, we may even be top 5! Of course, it's hard to compete against teams with 40+ swimmers. There's WiFi so I'll try to post results over the weekend...tune in.

I'm swimming these events and have seeded myself with these times (in Short Course Meters):
800 free: 15:00 min
100 IM: 1:44
200 Breast: 3:59
50 Free: 0:40
100 Free: 1:30
100 Breast: 1:53
50 Breast: 0:56

I expect to also swim the 200 Medley Relay (no idea which leg), the 200 Free Relay and the 400 Free Relay.

Hope everyone is having a good week...and has a great weekend.


Blogger rocketpants said...

hang in there! it too will pass.

Awesome about staying in the wagon for 15 days and losing 5!! Yea

1:56 PM GMT-5

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Aargh. Alzheimer's, friendships... I feel for you. I'm glad you're sticking to the healthy you - especially now; you're remembering that list you made. I'm proud of you! This ache WILL pass, and you'll come out the other side smellin' like roses. Believe it! (Right back at ya.:))

8:08 PM GMT-5

Blogger E-Speed said...

I hope the swim meet goes well.

I am sos orry for your loss, I hope you are able to pull through. Sometimes it is just best to let those emotions wash over you to come back better.

6:59 AM GMT-5

Blogger Barb said...

Spence, I know this is doubly hard for you. I'm so very sorry.

Continuing to excercise will help you heal. Don't give in to temptation! Tomorrow will be 17 days on the wagon! Stay strong! You can do this!

12:43 AM GMT-5

Blogger Flatman said...

Hope things turn around really soon. On the bright side, you are rocking that wagon!!!

12:39 PM GMT-5

Blogger Scott said...

Sorry to hear about your Ganna. Great job on the weight loss.

Isn't it amazing how much difference even 5lbs can make?

5:38 PM GMT-5

Blogger Bolder said...

thinking of you.

7:53 PM GMT-5


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