Back to Basics Wednesday

Yesterday started out fine. I woke up feeling rested at 5:30, ready to do my cold, dark run...but there were 2 fresh inches of snow and while I'm certainly not going to let 2" scare me, I did feel worried about traffic in the early morning dark and the fact that we haven't had enough snow this winter to remind people that they don't know how to drive in it...and I had a backup plan to go after work...so even though I climbed back in bed and "missed the bus," it was ok because I would get it done later. All good.

So the problems started when it was time for breakfast. Tuesday night I got off the couch and while cleaning up dinner, decided it would be a good idea to make chocolate chip cookies. The plan was to have a few and put the rest in the freezer but somehow it didn't happen and so there were cookies for breakfast. And oatmeal...but the cookies just got me off on the wrong foot for the day.

Then, when I got to work, the plan was to be industrious...and I was for a little while...industriously reading blogs, sending emails and chatting thru gmail chat with Weasel Boy in Ireland...and when it was time to finally do some work, the boss man shows up with donuts. Donuts are a big problem for me. You may remember the donut intervention I needed a few months back - thanks to all of you in blogland, I managed to skip the donut that day but not yesterday. It was really yummy.

OK, so no run, chocolate chip cookies, donut...and then I finally had to admit to myself that my job isn't really slowing down. There was a huge push from about December 1st until the Montreal show ended on Feb. 11th...and I was thinking my year was pretty much on coast until October...trouble is, I forgot that there were a lot of things that got put on the back burner so that I could get ready for Vegas...and now those things are all pressing and need to be done yesterday. My fantasies of blogging and surfing all day are just that - fantasties. I actually will have to EARN my living for the next 6 months. Oh well. At least I love my job. But I will need to attend to it more than I had planned. Reality check...no coasting allowed.

Which is just as well because when I coast, when I'm complacent, I get sloppy and I don't want to be sloppy. I have finally accepted this reality. But yesterday it made me a little resentful... Still, I was ok. The day was fine, I still had a sense of humor.

Then, I finally got in a groove and the blank screen in front of me was forming itself into a mildly dynamic ad for a big ski magazine, things were chugging along nicely...when someone, who shall remain nameless as he occasionally reads this blog, made a comment to me that hit me like a bat to the side of the head and I went into a tailspin to rival all tailspins. His comment pushed buttons in me that I didn't even know still functioned...buttons that went back to highschool, to college, to the present day...and it not only upset me because it was a personal attack but also because I let it bug me so much - I gave him the power to make me mad. The one good thing I'll say is that I didn't respond and I didn't sink to his level - I just walked away. But it left me so sour and the dark, dreary, negative mood usually held at bay by the zoloft induced happiness that typically governs my days took over. I had on my longest, thickest, most insulating CRANKY PANTS.

I left work thinking that the run wasn't going to happen. Fortunately, I had downloaded a bunch of Simply Stu's podcasts and listened to one of an interview with Frank Farrar...and by the end of the 25 mintues home, I was thinking if Frank can pull off all that he has, I could certainly endure 30 minutes of running. But I was met with the tupperware of chocolate chip cookies when I walked in the door. Three cookies and one very snippy, obnoxious comment to my Honey later, I was out the door. I had to salvage something of the day...

It was 30˚F and smelled like spring. It was dark but warm. It felt good to move. My iPod seems to know what songs I need to keep my feet moving and the shuffle kept landing on perfect selections. I lengthened my normal loop a bit by adding on one more street...I had planned on doing two loops but after the second, I was still a little cranky so I did a third. And 45 mintues after I'd stormed out of the house, I arrived back and apologized for being snippy, and then breathed a relieved sigh that such a roller coaster day had ended...

I wonder if the day would have gone differently if I had run in the snow at 5:30 am. Probably not. But it ended on a high note and none of the crap seemed to matter any more. I can move, I can train, I can run and swim and bike....and that's all I really need to think about to feel good. Sometimes it's just that basic.

Train hard.